We get thoughts that pop up in our head based on a memory. If your childhood was plagued by bad experiences of abuse, trauma, arguments and family violence, your brain became programmed to those negative experiences. The repetition and patterns of negative behaviors in a negative environment hard wired your brain to have recurring thoughts even as you get older. And since you get thousands of thoughts every day based on your experiences, you'll sometimes get these negative memories creep into your headspace, reminding you of those bad times. These reminders can make way for unhealthy behaviors. This is partly the reason behind depression and anxiety because we create these unhealthy thoughts from our past which creates the depression, and we respond with fear and anxiety.
My delightful millennial coworker Stella often teases me at work about my Gen X philosophies and idiosyncrasies. When I was in my 20's I never would have imagined going to bed at 8pm and that's one of the many things about me that she banters about. When I explained to her that on my dating profile, I included that I like to have meaningful conversations about life, she exploded in laughter pointing out that it's far too serious and a turn-off to say that. After her brief 101 on dating, I stood back and said yikes...she's right! Thus, I elected to save the meaningful conversations about life for a blog or with my close friends only.
I woke up again in the wee hours of the morning, unable to get a decent night's sleep. I desperately tried hard to fall back asleep, but restlessness became my blanket and soon my eyes were as wide eyed as my cat's. I rolled over and fumbled around in the dark for my phone and saw that it was only 4:03am. Another 57 mins to go before my alarm is supposed to wake me up to go to my bootcamp class at the gym. Unable to find interest in any of my apps on my phone at four in the morning, I for no other reason than boredom began scrolling through my list of phone contacts.